denial

have you ever wanted something in your life?
here i mean not some cheesy things you'd like to buy. but its something more.
a chance. time that you'll never even can be bought again. something that you'll lost if you dont take it in that very moment.

well.. i do.. i did?
i fought sooo hard but it doesnt seem to have any result.
angry? yep.
depress? definitely.
like what the hell!? how could you when its all i ever wanted -_-
ah but i see it'll be pointless if i keep debating it.
it will just causing more tears and exhaustion.

well, so after we slipped that opportunity we basically will through some stages and one of them is isolation and denial phase.
i never thought that id be this silly.
in order to let this thing go, i automatically turn on some kind of isolation and denial mode.
no instagram.
no path.
no facebook.
not even BBM updates.
why? becos seeing things that u really want is def the last thing you want to see right now.
what if you want to post something? well... i just literally cover the updates with my hand and go to the "safe" pages. superb silly -_-

hb denial? yeah. you basically keep telling yourself that everything is fine. everything is under control. even deep down you know its not what your heart believe -_-

i hope things will be better eventually.
live goes on

despair

i don't know what to think.
i don't know what to feel.
the tears are drained up.
the exhaustion doesn't only felt in the bone but also felt to the heart.
i just feel numb.

you cant compelled someone to forget that one thing that she ever think of.
but yet, here I am standing in an intersection.
you cant really choose by your own will since its not really an option.
GOSH, i wish im not in this fucked up situation.
i cant really choose.
i want to live a happy life.
i dont want to make a regret in my life that i will never be able to alter in the future.
.
.
.
please
.
.
.help

something that bothers me.... a lot.

Like a bird in a gold cage. No matter how shiny, pure, dazzling, exquisite, or pricy the cage is… its stil a cage.

I want to be set free.

How long it gonna take for them to realize?  Im 18. Im going to attend college in approx. 120 days. I do take care of myself.

I wonder if they ever think that I also take responsibility seriously. It’s not that I’m a selfish mindless reckless person that longing for a total freedom.

I need their willingness to let me go. To take chances. Thats what life is all about. It’s one thing that is so hard to get.

I know that we also need to expect for the worst. To preserve ourselves from problem before it happens. I know you are protecting me. You have good intention.  Im fully aware of that. BUT, when you think about it too much, it will blindfold you with scares and cowardice.  Its just like a sand, the tighter you grip the sand, the more it slips away from your hand. You’ll lose your opportunity to explore thing, to LIVE your life; an once in a lifetime opportunity.

And what do you expect me to do? To sit down?  To back off from this opportunity? I wont let this slip away from me. No. Sorry im not sorry.

I tried to agree on what you said. But deep inside, it consumes me.  I can never get it away from my mind. It twists my heart and boils deep down in me.

spill of emotion

people say life is like a rollercoaster ride. there are ups and downs. and now i rly understand that.


its easy to judge someone using your perspective ONLY.
easy pheasy.
but do u really think its a valid judgement?
i doubt that.


do you ever feel like you want to explain something, and it seems like you are making excuses for that problem blamed at you?
YES. thats the thing!
but please dont think that way, when those "excuses" are actually the truth.


sincerely, me.

hi november

its been a rough day at then of October..
felt bummed and nagged.
it was suck seeing ur loved ones stacked in a problem and you could do nothing about it..

but gladly today everything gets a looootttt more better.. :)

anyway, on 10th november my schl will hold a fair.. called dempo fair.
there will be many food stalls (even McD !), ghost houses (my class open this), cafes, artist performances...

its gonna be greaaattt night 

so another month passed by, we're getting closer to the end of 2012.. make every second worth it..
well yeah...